Short Story of My Life
Having a blog, I have a big vision of wanting a success since the day I first published my story. I was motivated to write and write. Everything seems like a manageable emotion of unstoppable desire. But the more I write, the harder it was. I have a fear of ‘what if’ and I’m still working on improving it for a long time even right at this moment.
Sometimes I fell into a deep depression when nothing feels right. Even though I received a lot supports from others, but I just can’t stop thinking about the worst possibility that might happen. There are times I feel like crying by the responsibilities on my hand. I also wonder whether everything I do is with pure honesty to support my family while from time to time I selfishly think only about myself. Though I’m really happy and glad to have a family that understands and motivates me to keep on chasing my dream.
Let’s Talk Writing
I might not be a good writer, but seeing life come back and forth bringing more surprises, I do admit that I hope one-day writing will help to make a good living. I’m not sure how success will look like now or in the future. For the time being, I will keep doing what I can to live my life and finding opportunities even with a slight chance for me to fit in this space.
I love to write, but I will be lying for not wanting good returns when sometimes I caught myself staring at the stats more than I should. That’s why I thought, who would’ve done any hard work without hope of earning, praise, or self-satisfaction. I know it varied to a different person, but I’m sure everyone wanted to create success in their life.
Life is generous with a little bit of silliness.
The reason for that, I was the silly one. Even though I said I love to write, but I can’t cope with the fear that bugging me. For the longest time, the only thing I mentioned repeatedly was FEAR. I know how to deal with them, but most of the time, I let them haunt me.
Even today, I was amid want or not to write. First, I left my account for a long time. Second, I don’t think the experiences I had are suitable to share. Third, no one cares about who you are. Forth, coming back won’t change anything.
I was away for many weeks and my thoughts build up like a pile of unwanted paper. My fears…fears…fears…
“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don’t.”
― Lemony Snicket
Now Let’s Be Honest “FEAR”
I realize it was merely just an excuse for me to skip another day by blaming the fears. I know I stepped on my fears many times now, but the unwillingness of waiting and seeing fewer results is what slows me down. Writing is hard and time-consuming, I wish to have more people to reach my content. Sometimes, I felt like giving up and just shut my laptop down, but that’s not how it goes.
Nothing to be ashamed of when no one will support what you do. There are people who won’t understand your opinions. There might be only one or two-person will look at your words, but keep going.
The only person to set success is me. If I’m being the worst part of myself, that’s how my life will be. Even if I wish to see the light in front of the tunnel, I won’t be able to especially turning away from it. I can opt to sign up for my life the way I wanted. If it’s not working, I can just choose to delete or log out from it.
Again, I was away for too long. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me in this blogging space. That’s why everything keeps changing, and if it’s not working, I will choose what suits me.