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The Fear of Coming Back

Short Story of My Life

Having a blog, I have a big vision of wanting a success since the day I first published my story. I was motivated to write and write. Everything seems like a manageable emotion of unstoppable desire. But the more I write, the harder it was. I have a fear of ‘what if’ and I’m still working on improving it for a long time even right at this moment.

Sometimes I fell into a deep depression when nothing feels right. Even though I received a lot supports from others, but I just can’t stop thinking about the worst possibility that might happen. There are times I feel like crying by the responsibilities on my hand. I also wonder whether everything I do is with pure honesty to support my family while from time to time I selfishly think only about myself. Though I’m really happy and glad to have a family that understands and motivates me to keep on chasing my dream.

 

Let’s Talk Writing

I might not be a good writer, but seeing life come back and forth bringing more surprises, I do admit that I hope one-day writing will help to make a good living. I’m not sure how success will look like now or in the future. For the time being, I will keep doing what I can to live my life and finding opportunities even with a slight chance for me to fit in this space.

I love to write, but I will be lying for not wanting good returns when sometimes I caught myself staring at the stats more than I should. That’s why I thought, who would’ve done any hard work without hope of earning, praise, or self-satisfaction. I know it varied to a different person, but I’m sure everyone wanted to create success in their life.

 


 

Life is generous with a little bit of silliness.

The reason for that, I was the silly one. Even though I said I love to write, but I can’t cope with the fear that bugging me. For the longest time, the only thing I mentioned repeatedly was FEAR. I know how to deal with them, but most of the time, I let them haunt me.

Even today, I was amid want or not to write. First, I left my account for a long time. Second, I don’t think the experiences I had are suitable to share. Third, no one cares about who you are. Forth, coming back won’t change anything.

I was away for many weeks and my thoughts build up like a pile of unwanted paper. My fears…fears…fears…

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don’t.”
Lemony Snicket

 


 

Now Let’s Be Honest “FEAR”

I realize it was merely just an excuse for me to skip another day by blaming the fears. I know I stepped on my fears many times now, but the unwillingness of waiting and seeing fewer results is what slows me down. Writing is hard and time-consuming, I wish to have more people to reach my content. Sometimes, I felt like giving up and just shut my laptop down, but that’s not how it goes.

Nothing to be ashamed of when no one will support what you do. There are people who won’t understand your opinions. There might be only one or two-person will look at your words, but keep going.

The only person to set success is me. If I’m being the worst part of myself, that’s how my life will be. Even if I wish to see the light in front of the tunnel, I won’t be able to especially turning away from it. I can opt to sign up for my life the way I wanted. If it’s not working, I can just choose to delete or log out from it.

Again, I was away for too long. I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me in this blogging space. That’s why everything keeps changing, and if it’s not working, I will choose what suits me.  

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Nhazla mohamed fikri

Saya tak tau nak tulis apa. Taip, delete. Menulis ni Kadang2 memberiman kepuasan. Walaupun tau, kadang nak u turn balik apa yang ditulis. Ada ketika rasa menyesal. Kemudian, blog jadi senyap dalam tempoh lama. Tak reti nak ulas macam mana. Apa pun, semoga teruskan menulis. Gaya penulisan yang sangat bertenang dan berhati2. Saya suka baca. Tak skop pun. Saya pun tak reti nak respon dalam hi. Tapi saya faham. Keep strong!

sis gee

welcome back and all the best!!

Fas

I think you can write and should go on blogging. No worries about the subject. Just go with the flow.

Fadima Mooneira

Good post. I can feel you when I read it. I know sometimes we struggle to achieve something from our hard work, and sometimes we get heartbroken when our hard work isn’t paid off. But don’t give up. Just keep on trying. Write whatever you wanna write. Your blog, writing, and content is you. Just go for it sis!

Mimi Azirah

Menulis sebenarnya memberi kepuasan yang takbterhingga pada diro sendiri. Sebab tu saya ada big why bila bergelar blogger ni. Menulis bukan sekadar suka suka tapi memgasah skill kita dalam penulisan.

Marina
Marina

Marina dulu dah lama start blog. Tahun 2010. Pastu stop. Siap delete blog. Pastu buat blog baru. Stop lagi. Tahun ni baru start balik sebab marina baru ada vision dalam berblog. Writing kena ada passion kan?

Cik Puan Ena

I pon penah stop lama 2tahun blogging sebab sakit. Bila nak start balik tu memang kena ada semangat baru, be confident, tulis kena dari hati. Hope u teruskan yeahhh. Slowly but surely ❤️

Saidila Rahman

“Nothing to be ashamed of when no one will support what you do. There are people who won’t understand your opinions. There might be only one or two-person will look at your words, but keep going.” saya suka kata2 ni …dulu saya pun pernah rasa down sebab keluarga tak faham apa yang kita buat , syukur suami sokong saya sepenuhnya …dan nasib saya teruskan dan sekarang saya dapat hasilnya…apapun jangan givap pada keinginan dan impian kita asalkan benda tu baik dan bagus untuk kita …mereka tak faham tapi anggap sahaja itu cabaran …semoga awak teruskan apa yang awak buat ok… Read more »

Hanny Abdullah

Menulis ni memang sis tak ada belajar kat mana-mana pun, tapi sebabkan minat nak menulis so sis tulis aje apa yang memberi kepuasan buat sis. Sis tulis, tulis dan terus menulis so dari situ sis belajar sedikit demi sedikit cara yang betul dlm penulisan..memang perfect sepenuhnya tapi ada lah improvement, so apa yg kita buat..jangan giveup, lama2 kita akan nampak apa yang sesuai untuk diri kita

ayu rafikah mohd amin

menuli ssebnarnya lebih kepada meluah dan menzahirkan apa yang ada rasa..selagi ada minat dan seronok…silalah menulis…jangan pernah force/paksa diri anda

Wan Syahida

Try read a book on self-motivation.. maybe u’ll find inspiration. I hope u find your true happiness from your passion in writing 🙂

Emi

Biasalah kadang time ada idea nak menulis, mencurah-curah idea tu. tapi time kekeringan idea, tak berupdate la jawabnya. Kadang kalau ada idea tapi masa takde pun masalah jugak.

RAIHANAH AHMAD

setuju, kadang tu datang angin kus-kus takde idea dan semangat langsung nak menulis. take your time, have more time for yourself, read inspiring books, insyaAllah you will be stronger

Alia

Don’t stop writing. Because when u write something purely from ur heart.. People will feel it…
Don’t give up dear