This year, I had more news about someone passing because of cancer. Last two months ago, my friend’s mom died from cancer. November I got another news about my teacher who’s battling with stage four cancer. And only two days ago, my grandfather’s brother is diagnosed with stage four lung cancer.
Knowing about someone’s illness and seeing their struggles to survive is already difficult. The only thing I can do is pray and wish for miracles to happen. I give everything under God’s hand and surrender all my hope to Him. Everything is unpredictable and sad at the same time.
“Like life is short,” he said. “Like you don’t know when it’s going to end. Like some things, left unsaid, can’t ever be said.” ― Jim Butcher
Never see life as another burden.
Those who are fighting for their lives are harder than my everyday struggles. I complained about how amazing life outside of my reach, money, time, burden and all of the ungrateful lists. But to see someone stay in the hospital feeling uncomfortable from all the tubes to support their life can’t be compared to my easy life. It’s pain, it’s sorrow, it’s controlled, but it’s the only hope they have.
There are dreams need to be shortened or never fulfilled. Wish can’t be granted but a wish for more time to see the world. For the time I live twenty-three years of my life, I wasn’t grateful for everything I had. Seeing people come and go in my life, I’m still not aware of how short life is.
Be grateful as others are fearful.
Life can be snatched away easily. Even how healthy we are by avoiding eating the junks, exercising plentiful a day, and take care of everything that was told to hold a longer life span, but to predict our last time to touch the earth is only God knows.
Some young and some live more than others. But we are no strangers to this world. In the end, we are bound to say farewell. People give up with a scream of tears when they were told to live under certain limits of time with only a slight chance of success.
It’s hard and really really hard.
To be able to type my thoughts while listening to music is a privilege for me to feel grateful for my time. Because right at this moment, someone I knew is suffering and trying their best to endure the pain. I can sit down with my leg straight when others have to force their leg bend just to feel better at least for the time being. My freedom is incomparable with them.
Grateful will never enough.
I understand how much I said about grateful, but this time beyond grateful is needed for me to change. I know I talk more about struggles, but it’s tough to watch their suffering. The efforts of struggles are just too much to bear. The images of their healthy smiles are now left with only memories.
That’s why instead of seeing my life as a burden, I should be grateful for my life. I had it all, I can see the sunrise from the horizon, feel another breeze of the day, and loved from everyone surrounds me. Every detail of life pours me with bags of goodies. So shouldn’t I be more grateful?
It is indeed too short.
There are times I wonder about how my life will be. Whether I’m doing my best or just taking everything for granted. Even though I know it’s a combination of the two, but I guess I should admit. Almost all of my time wasted by taking everything for granted.
I let time helped me instead of doing meaningful things for my life. Wait for tomorrow, then another day and finally a year pass without even trying to fix the mistakes. Look at me, I’m twenty-three. I still remember snippets of my childhood to where I’m today. Age is just a number, but it’s unstoppable with time.
“All things that live, die. This is why you must find joy in the living, while the time is yours, and not fear the end. To deny this is to deny life. To fear this… is to fear life.”― Joe Kelly
Life is no JOKE
For those who are doing their best to live, I wish them good luck. But for those who are still having every privilege, never underestimated life. We are just humans that bound to have illnesses. I thank God for allowing me to feel so many emotions and experience the wonderfulness of life. It is more than what it seems.
Life is not there for you to make fun of. One by one, it’s increasing and decreasing. It’s inevitable, but dealing with loss is what I hate the most. Smearing myself with tears and trying to heal at the same time is the worst. I always admit defeat to this unbearable heartbreak that never once my specialty.
The appreciation to those around me.
I’m lucky enough to have constant support and acceptance from others. My mom who always there to give me a big push when I was in the midst of giving up. My brother who changes my view on life and taught me more about how to understand people. My sister who makes me feel okay about being myself. My boyfriend who willing to listen to all my worries even how distant the place he’s in right now. My friends who willing to be there even how rare we meet up. I can write a full list of people, but it will take ages just to show how much I appreciate their existence.
My life filled with a lot of kindness. What I take compared to the amount that I give is not enough for those around me.
Everyone has given me so much love to feel safe and believe in possibilities. I’ve cried and smile with tears. I’ve given up and risen more than I can count. They are my main source of motivation. To breath for another day is the most meaningful in life.
God is truly generous with life. To offer me a lot of love and love and love, sometimes I don’t think I deserve them. Only with gratefulness can compensate for everything that I have.