One thing that I always asked myself by the end of the month is how was your month? I know we all can have the tendency to forget a lot of things unless you have a memory of a powerful hard drive to save all of that. As I mentioned in my May Reflections, I don’t have the greatest memory keeper unless I write them down or either snapping pictures out of them.
Highlight that went well.
Joined the most unforgettable camp!
Early this month I joined a church camp that was six days long. I didn’t plan to join the camp at the beginning but my heart felt the need to try it. So I signed up for it even though I hesitated and having all the thoughts of backing away from my actions. It was one of the nerve-wracking moment for me as I knew I need to be dependent on myself. Besides, I have zero acquaintance apart from two of my friends who were on the committee. That means I can’t have someone to accompany me for the whole time. Because all along, I only stick with my family and we always did things together. I felt safe and nothing worried me. But this is the first time I ever did something by myself.
Surprisingly during the camp, I thought I will be all by myself, but I ended up making more friends than I imagined I would. I also discovered something new about myself which is I love to be in the crowd of unknown people and making new friends. I had no idea by going alone and overcoming my fears had brought out the best of me. I really believe in taking a leap slowly even it means challenge will help to get to know myself better. And it was the greatest feeling ever.
Learning photography with my friend.
I’ve been shooting with my sonyA6000 for all of my photos here in my blog (sometimes with my phone). I bought them last year march and this is the first camera that I really invested money on. Am I good at handling electronics? Nope and yes. But my friend told me how outdated I’m and I can’t agree more with her. However, I know can’t be intimidated by other’s feedback but improving them slowly at my own pace. So I decided to take photography more seriously and learn more about them.
Last Thursday, I went to a park and learn how to take a better photo with my photographer friend. Previously I had no idea about ISO, APERTURE, SHUTTER SPEED and all of the basics. If you look at my first photograph, it was so bad that morning picture can look as dark as the night sky. I’m really glad that my friend taught me about composition and have some challenges to push ourselves on knowing how much we can do with photography. After understanding a little bit of that, I can get the idea of how I want my compositions to be.
I don’t think photography is about who’s right and wrong, but as long as it fits your view, and you feel satisfied with it, that’s good enough. You are not forced to follow other’s preferences when most of the time you can be different with your own perspective. Even if you stand at the same exact location, you won’t take the same picture as others. The composition, camera setting will make so much different from the finishing products. I might not have the right to talk about photography as I’m really a beginner at it, but one thing I know for sure, learning something new for yourself is worth the long run.
Go alone when I feel like it.
Have you read my previous post yet? Here I talked about how devastated I was with myself. My mental health was at it worst and I’m at my lowest self. I have no idea how to solve them and feel like running away from everything. Nothing feels right even how hard I try to feel motivated again. But I know, I can’t always stay that way, so I decided to go out to the beach and have time to myself. I bring along my journal tools and of course my camera to capture the moment. During my walk, I met a person who works in the park. At first, I was only taking photos of her gloves, but I never knew I will sit down and had an amazing conversation with her to learn more about the park and a few of her stories. From there I knew how I love to hear stories from others even though she was a complete stranger but now she’s someone that inspired me. Her struggles are actually more difficult than I have but I can sense the gratefulness she had compared to mine. It awakened my mind and let me have the chance to visualize my life again. Sometimes the unplanned thing can be the best experience of life.
Highlights that didn’t go well and can be better.
Procrastinate, procrastinate and procrastinate.
Procrastinate, well duh. Who would have thought that? I was so sure I won’t get caught by them, but I still let them won the battle. I have no right to blame the word PROCRASTINATE itself when everything was my own to blame and I know that clearly. But I guess I was TRYING to live in the moment and take everything for granted. Saying, ‘I’m living in the moment now and others can be done later. I need to relax and look for inspirations.’ And I can’t even count how much I mumble this phrase to myself as it lasted until the end of this month. Where did my motivation go off to? But day by day, we all have limits and I know my procrastinate is my worst enemy in making me a creative person. But honestly, the way to improve them is by not allowing them to be friend with my laziness.
Opss, I shouldn’t say that. But this month I really ramble a lot about how things don’t work out in my planner. I blamed on the situations while admitting the faults was hiding under my ego. But all of the bad traits were coming from myself and nothing can take control over them unless I did. When we are not in control over what we had in our mind and emotions, the bad one can easily take charge.
Of course, saying it can merely be a word, but I will try my best to analyze myself better and fix my weaknesses. You might feel annoyed about how much I write about the repetitions of words or opinions almost every single post I had. However, I think it a way for me to keep on focusing what’s really bugging me. A lot of the time we are going through almost the same cycle every day until we get used to our habits and changing them might feel like letting go a heavy anchor that was stuck beneath the deep sea. Even for me, I might not be able to release them immediately but I can learn to unleash my weight a little bit at a time.
Not listening to my own voice.
Have you ever wonder whether your decision is correct or not? I always have doubt about everything that I do (okay not all but most). I guess you can say I’m not a person who can follow my voice but need others to guide me sometimes. I can easily be stuck in a path of MAYBE without being rational about doing things. But of course, it’s not always bad but I feel that my decision won’t be approved by others. So I seek validations to ease my mind while it didn’t really help me sometimes but making me feel not good enough. But recently talking to brother make me more open about them. And one thing I remember told by my brother was ‘Don’t think about it if you feel right to go for it. Even if it looks the same, YOU are a different person. And nothing will be the same’.
Let’s bring it to next month!
Be more creative.
I have so much fun writing down my emotions into a journal and really get to know myself more. Letting myself be as vulnerable as I can without having the thought of ‘err, I don’t think myself that way.’ I can really acknowledge them with honestly and sense any untruthfulness from myself. And do you remember I told you I want to read more? This month of June I managed to finish at least three books! (Pat pat myself). Reading has helped me a lot in my writing and taught me new words that I have yet encountered. It was great learning and I will do some reading next month too. I have a few books lined up on my shelf that I bought last month. I’m so looking forward to reading them.
Some people say that my life is the same every day, but I personally don’t think it’s true in some way. We can easily say I’m still the same person, but actually, you are not especially we are meeting and having a different conversation with others differently. And there are days we are totally unmotivated and that’s okay too. But we constantly seeking for true joy but when life hits you, that when everything feels like the same cycle and our growth is not making any progress at all.
Never give up.
It may sound cliche, but this is one of the quotes that I still live by. I don’t think we are unworthy and it’s not worth to let the negativity surrounds us. It is hard to not give up easily, but I really want to push myself to a point where give up will appear lesser in life. It may not be a constant result, but I believe one day I can achieve them. Same goes with everyone in our life. If only I can give them words to never give up and really focus on the beauty of life, it will be so much great to live. But before that, I too need to seek for that calmness in mind and I hope July with being the month where NEVER GIVE UP will give me more lift.
I hope you have a lovely month ahead. And always be grateful to things that might bring you down as it can teach you to be a stronger person in life. You are not alone, and if you feel like talking to someone. Don’t feel hesitate to talk to me. NEVER GIVE UP!