September has been manic! I had a lot of works and events that come and go almost every two weeks. I had some restless nights and it was exhausting. So right now I’m on my way of recharging my energy with new routines.
While I write this down, it feels like I will fall asleep in any second. But because it’s morning, I’m someone who doesn’t have the ability to go back to sleep when the sun rises.
To be honest, I’ve been writing for weeks in a few platforms that were totally unrelated to my blog. As I go along every day sitting down with my laptop and start moving my finger, I do wonder whether it’s the right thing for me to temporarily detached from my blog and spend more time on others platform instead. But truthfully, I never imagined I would enjoy them so much that writing started to be another therapeutic way of releasing my thoughts. I had moments of immersing myself with words and losing track of time. So I guess I shouldn’t feel bad to take time off from this blog, isn’t it?
I’ve learned so much after writing almost every day. I had the chance to improve my language and discover more foreign words.
For long the longest time, I thought writing is merely about connecting words with words to construct a sentence. But I was wrong, it’s more than that. It allows you to tell a story that matters and words have the ability to portray the deepest emotions. For months reading from others and learning their way of telling a story has been a wonderful time for me. It led me to understand more about myself.
“Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.” – Natsuki Takaya
From time to time I wonder about every decision I’ve made and whether it will affect those around me. What if the decisions won’t turn out the way I wanted. That negativity lingers for some time. Though for a moment I realize every unlucky decision that I’ve made, there’s always a lucky path waiting. I feel blessed to have the chance of making all the choices that led my life until now. Sometimes sadness, but most of the outcomes has a lesson to learned and it shapes me to be a better human being. When I think about life, everything is just so beautiful but when hardship appears, I can easily miss out the happiness that life has offered.
My problem with writing has always been about the constant fear of judgment. I hope I will spend more time with my blog and cast away my day to day fears. Every day will be different and my thoughts constantly changing too. There are days I feel confident to write, but most of it I was being skeptical of how good writing should be. I do enjoy the process of connecting each word but recently my mind went blank and I feel wordless. I guess I took too long of a break from my blog.
As I recall some of my moments from the earliest months this year, there’s so much I’ve learned. Meeting various people and spend time with others to expand my view on life is the privilege that I wish to ask more in the future.